Unpopular opinion: I love aging. Every year has given me the opportunity and privilege to step closer and closer to being the person I want to be–a person who cares deeply for themselves and others, who has the tools to protect their mental and physical wellbeing, and who is passionate and purpose-filled about what they do.

I think back to who I was at 20, 30, 40, and 50 and I can see my own growth. I’m proud of who I am. This is the gift aging has given me.

Do I always love the way aging has changed my face and body? No, not really. Who does? We live in a world where women feel we have to be constantly working on our “good looks” and the term “anti-aging” gets thrown at us in commercials and magazine ads 24/7. 

Yet with age comes an ability to let go of some of these unfair expectations. Now, I can focus on what makes me feel good. I can choose habits and build relationships based on what brings me joy and fills my life with meaning.

Last week, I celebrated my 59th birthday. And yes, it was a celebration. But it also made me reminisce about my younger self. Sometimes, I wish I could shake her and shout, “Take better care of yourself!”

Be kinder to yourself.

I can’t tell her what I know now. I can’t explain to her how full life is when you finally choose to start taking care of yourself. Instead, I can share a little piece of my story–a little piece of me–in the hopes that it inspires you to be kinder to yourself.

Because sure, decades ago I was younger. But I wasn’t happier. And I didn’t even love the way I looked–I feel much more healthy, confident, and beautiful now.

Stuck in a Rut

Back in the day, I was working as a pastry chef, and while it was fulfilling to hone my craft, there were downsides that made this sugary job less than sweet. Long shifts in a high pressure kitchen took its toll on me–if you’ve worked in a restaurant, you know how hectic and demanding it can be. I wasn’t eating well, and most days, I didn’t care to. I actually remember eating just the restaurant’s scalloped potatoes as my dinner many nights. 

My nights ended with red wine and Grand Marnier shared among coworkers–an unspoken ritual that helped us unwind but left me feeling drained. It wasn’t just my body that felt sluggish; mentally, I was completely disconnected from myself. I rarely stopped to check in with how I felt.

Despite running around the kitchen all day, I didn’t feel healthy. My digestive system was in complete disarray, my skin reflected all the stress–internally and from the heat of the kitchen–that I lived with day after day. With beauty standards being what they are, it seemed that as long as I was thin, I was healthy. But my thinness came from pure exhaustion and neglect. In a way, my body mirrored my mental state. I wasn’t giving myself love, care, or healthy habits, and it showed.

With age comes an ability to let go of unfair expectations.

The hardest part was that I couldn’t see what I was doing to myself. I had no clue that the choices I made—skipping meals, snacking on the sugary pastries I made throughout the day, and living in a constant state of burnout—were making me feel worse. I thought it was just part of the job, part of life. I spent so much time disconnected from my body that it felt easier to ignore how bad things were. I still had my moments of excitement–I loved and still love cooking, I had fun times with friends, but I also had a lot more to learn about self care.

In ignoring my body, I was ignoring myself. And that kind of disconnection builds on itself until you wake up one day and realize you don’t recognize the person in the mirror.

How I Changed

I didn’t wake up one day and decide to change my entire life. It happened gradually, purposefully, and with the kind of trial and error that lets you come out the other side with knowledge and a sense of accomplishment. The shift started when I took plant-based eating more seriously.

I’d dabbled before, but it usually ended up with me swapping meat and dairy out of carbs and sugar–bread, chips, and sweet snacks were my go-to. Technically plant-based, but far from nourishing. And I found that just as my body was craving the nourishment of a healthy diet, I was craving change, even if I didn’t quite know how to achieve it.

That change really took hold the day I decided to start cooking for myself—not just for others. It was a small but powerful decision. After hours in the kitchen preparing food for customers, cooking for myself felt like the last thing I wanted to do. But by doing it, I was saying to myself, “You matter.” I stopped living off staff meals and kitchen leftovers and began making simple, wholesome meals just for me. It wasn’t fancy, but it was intentional.

Around this time, I also decided to try my first yoga class. (If you know my story, you’ll know I eventually became a yoga instructor myself!) I was still struggling with feelings of disconnection and not feeling at home in my body. But this class was a revelation to me.

I felt a path open up before me–I saw a happier, more whole and fulfilled version of myself.

I remember the instructor adjusting me into a pose, and it felt like something inside me snapped back into place. For the first time in years, I was fully present in my body—and it hit me so hard I almost cried. That experience was a wake-up call. I realized how powerful it feels to be at home in your body. I felt a path open up before me–I saw my future self: a happier, more whole and fulfilled version of myself.

From that point on, I made choices rooted in care and purpose. I prioritized feeling physically and mentally good, having energy, and reconnecting with my body. My diet and yoga played a huge part in that, but I also became more mindful in the way I approached relationships with the people around me I cared about. 

Most importantly, I took responsibility for my habits. No one else was responsible for the way I felt, and no one else could change it but me. It was hard, but it was freeing. I invested in my wellbeing, built meaningful relationships, and began to grow in ways I never thought possible.

Older and Happier

I’m not old. I’m just older.

Am I perfect now? Absolutely not. I still have days when I feel frustrated or fall back into old patterns of self doubt. But I don’t aim to be perfect. My diet and habits are not so strict that they take over the joy and excitement of experiencing life. Life is meant to be enjoyed, after all. 

But the difference is… now I have the tools and knowledge I worked hard to build and discover for myself. I’ve spent years nurturing practices that help me navigate those rough moments when they come. I know how to take care of myself in ways that I didn’t before. It’s deeply empowering when I step back and recognize the work I’ve done on myself, and for myself.

I’m not old. I’m just older—and there’s something beautiful about that. I’m stronger, more capable, and more at ease with who I am. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s far better than it was in those earlier years when I struggled to connect with myself. Each decade has added something new to my toolkit. Resilience, self-awareness, the ability to let go of things I can’t control–these are gifts I’ve discovered in my years of living and growing, because self growth never stops.

There are still days when I catch myself being critical, but I find those moments pass more easily now. I make the effort to feel connection–to myself, to my body, and to the people and world around me. It’s how I feel fulfilled. 

At 59, I feel healthier, more confident, and more comfortable in my skin than ever.

At 59, I feel healthier, more confident, and more comfortable in my skin than I ever did in my 20s or 30s. Aging isn’t something I fear; it’s something I embrace. Each year gives me more chances to grow, learn, and love the life I’ve created. And that, to me, is the greatest gift of all.

Photos:

1. Me attending a pastry class back in the day. 

2. A headshot from my bushy brow era.

3. Me again at the pastry class–check out all the desserts!

4. Me on my 59th birthday last week, making a wish!